I have historically (and loudly) been against having children for the majority of my adult life.
When I married my first husband at 20 I felt far too young to have children. Then we decided to adopt because I still didn’t want to birth any children myself. The beginning stages of adoption brought about the reality that I could not have children and a future with the person I was with and that was one of the biggest eye-openers that lead to divorce. So then I was 25 and divorced. Not a great time to have children either. By the time I was 30, remarried, with a great job and great life… things were TOO great. I didn’t want to ruin any of that!!
Now, I’m 35 and on my third IUD (she shares such personal details, this one)
I’ve been vocal about my womb on FB and family gatherings, I’ve been brought to tears by prying and judgmental family members, and been told countless times all the ways in which I’m horrible for not wanting this.
But what I want to know is why? whyyyyyyyyy are other people so concerned? Why do they (men AND women of all ages) have so much concern about my baby-maker? I have honestly given it serious thought that wrecked me for a long time as I battled to WANT to want to have kids.
“But you’re so good with children” –they always tell me.
Yes. Yes I am. And do you know why? It’s because I absolutely love children. I love their innocence and their creativity and their fire for living life without caring what anyone thinks. If they’re tired of wearing their shoes or clothes they just fucking take them off. Me too, kid. Me too.
There will most likely be children who live in my house some day, that is still a decision for the future. But just because I’m passionate about fostering children in need DOES NOT allow people to have that smug look that gives them peace of mind. Like, ooooooohhhh she doesn’t want to have her own kids but she’s still a woman because she does want to take care of children.
I honestly tell people that I want to foster (which I legitimately do!) just to end the conversation. What a frickin’ shame it has to come to that. Like they have the right to badger me until I finally tell them this truth about my heart and then they can understand my poor, neglected ovaries.
I… I think I got off topic but this is really just a post from my heart. My tired-of-this-shit heart. And a question for the masses.
Why does it matter to you?
I’ve been real nice to people that ask and pester me. Though, I don’t know why they deserve it. So I’m just going to say this once, right here, to everyone who wants to know about my empty uterus.
Fuck you. (oh that was so mean, she’s such a grumpy old cat lady)