A strange thing happened to me when I got divorced. Really strange. Like so bizarre that I wondered (and still do) If this happens to other people. It even took me a while to realized it was happening, but there I was one day, just me and the cat sitting on an air mattress and I said to her, “Poe, this is really strange.”
So let’s break it down.
- My family: What shocked me most when announcing my divorce was having my family (the entirety of my very large family) take his side. Feeling like my family didn’t trust me enough to take my side hurt deeply. Ok, sure, they liked the guy so it’s to be expected that they were sad about the demise of our marriage and sympathy for him is normal, but to receive calls, emails, and texts of incredulity and anger from them. That “How could I do that to him” and that I was, “Making the biggest mistake of my life” were sentiments shared by them all… that cut me. I was heartbroken to realize that it must have been in with line with my character to be ‘erratic’. It still makes me full of self-doubt and sadness because I’m not sure what it says about who I am as a person that they all chose him over me.
- My Job: It was made abundantly clear to me that I could not keep my job if I was no longer married. Because we were hired as a couple, we could only keep working there if we were a couple. I LOVED my job more than anyone has any business loving their job. Like, get a life woman it’s just a job… But it wasn’t to me. Having to quit that job was one of the most heartbreaking goodbyes I’ve ever had.
- My Home: My house at that time was at my job so if I didn’t work there, I couldn’t live there. I had to move back into the home my almost-ex and I owned. It was up for sale so I didn’t want to move in any of my furniture. That would be a hassle for nothing so I just pulled out my air mattress and threw some granola bars in the cupboard. It was my bare but functional living situation until it sold.
- My Friends: The ones I had from before my divorce were pretty judgy about my divorce. Cool, guys. No one really seemed to understand how at only 25 I could be getting divorced so they didn’t know what to do with me. Sometimes I guess it’s easier to say nothing than risk saying the wrong thing… So no one said anything. The good friends I made (that helped me tremendously after my divorce) well… I hadn’t met them yet.
So there I was; 25, divorced, jobless, homeless (not house-less but I wasn’t living in a “home” by the emotional sense of the word) and support-less. A raw, lonely soul, renting 2 movies a night and watching them on my laptop.
And that’s what lead Poe and I to sit on my air mattress in an empty house as I said, “This is really strange.” That’s what I felt.
Just me and the cat, alone in a house we used to live in with another person and a dog, with friends and family over to visit, and jobs to go to during the day.
Now it was just us. Alone all day.
So I know people are attached to their pets. I know that everyone relies on their furry friends for emotional support from time to time but that cat–my fickle little Poe kitty–got me through when I was legit abandoned.
So here I am, nine years later, with a 13 year-old cat honestly wondering what I’ll do in the next few years when I’m still here and she is not. What do I do then? This cat is more important to me than almost every person I know. I am so thankful for her and her unconditional love when I needed it most. I just can’t imagine being without her.
So now I’m literally writing a blog post about my cat and crying…which leads me to say again,
“Poe, this is really strange.”