A Serious Epidemic in Women’s Health

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Have you ever stumbled around awkwardly in you high heels thinking you look sexy?
How many times have you tripped over nothing at all?
Does your footwear make you feel as though you should wear a tiny skirt that you have no business wearing?

You may be suffering from Foolish Footwear Syndrome (FFS)

Other symptoms include

  • Rolling your ankles
  • Shuffling your feet
  • Adding 4 ridiculous inches to your height
  • Awkward posture
  • Feelings of grandeur
  • Back ache
  • Diminished stamina walking long distances
  • Twerking

Its easy to laugh, but it’s a serious problem of epidemic proportions.

Thousands of girls traipse out every Friday and Saturday night with a false sense of pride in a skill they have not yet mastered.

But there is help to be had! For a limited time I am offering my personal counseling. (In the form of this informational blog post)

In my work through the years with teenagers I have given many one-on-one sessions in Proper Heel-Wearing and I now open up my profusion of knowledge to the world at large.

You’re welcome.

Please, pass this along to any of your friends who suffer from FFS. Together we can put an end to the foolishness.

First: Your shoes are too big. I promise. If you wear a size 8 in sneakers, strap on a size 7.5 heels. You are stumbling and shuffling because your feet are sliding around inside your shoe.They will be a little more uncomfortable but you’ll finally be able to walk in them. The half size smaller will do a lot to solve that ‘looking like a fool problem’ we’ve discussed.

(Update: Sine the original posting of this in 2012 my husband saw a girl shuffling and rolling her ankles as she walked down the street and he looked at me knowingly and proclaimed, “Her shoes are too big!” I was so proud.)

Second: Your heels are too tall. I know you want to add four inches to your height but don’t. Just don’t. Seriously, it is worth is to give up the extra inch so that you can walk properly. Three inches will do just fine. *Caveat: If you can handle 4 inches, I support you. But this post isn’t about girls who CAN handle their heels.

Third: Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Not the other way around. Don’t be afraid to put weight on the heel, they can handle it. If you don’t you’ll end up bending your knees awkwardly.

Fourth: Don’t bend your knees awkwardly. For instructions on how to fix this look above.

Fifth: Stand up straight and walk with your core. (Actually, this is good advice all the time)

If you or someone you know suffers from FFS, it’s not too late. With these five simple steps she can go from sloppy to sophisticated and truly conquer her footwear! We can work together to put a stop to this late night nonsense.
Heel, toe. Heel, toe!


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